I Have So Many Shit To Settle

And

I

Do

Nothing

About

It.

(One) because it is not work related (Two) because I need the internet to settle them but the internet at home means nothing, I usually end up stare at this-circle-loading-fuck-shit blank phone for hours. (Three) I vacuum my room almost everyday day it takes 40 mins over my 24 hours (Four) I have so many things to write but I couldn't because hmm, malas cakap ah satgi aku EMO PETALA LAPAN. Pikior pasai mende tu pon dah meruap ruap nak meletup gunung berapi dalam hati ni haa.

I feel like deactivating my FB and IG. Perhaps I shall put my phone aside too. I just wanna lay down and think nothing which impossible.

*tetibe berair mata*

why baby why

365 hari

Baru 17 hari. 

Rasa nak roboh. 

Rasa semua tua tua. Tahu perempuan memang spesis diam cakap belakang, tapi kemonnnnnnnnnnnnn. 

Supervisor dulu cakap "Tak boleh tolerate ape ape berkenaan idung dengan telinga. Sebab you cant control not to smell anything or listen to anything. At least mata boleh tutup."

Tambah lagi azam tahun ni. Tanak marah marah. Lantok la apo nak jadi jadi. Nanti dah tak rasa hidup kek keyel mule la terindu rindu.

First day at new home

My life has been upside down last two weeks after Tuan Rumah send new contract to sign. After going through every single word, I dont think I am willing to pay 400 for a room. With internet, phone and sort. So, kelam kabut cari rumah. 3 hari 3 malam tenung fon bukak mudah dengan ibilik. Alhamdulillah jumpa bilik. I pay half from previous room so everything is half. Half space, manual machine, no living room, no wifi. Everyhing is no no. 

Dua hari pindah randah (thank god Sariyanto besar boleh put everything in the car), I said to Pija I dont wanna stay home. Yet. Can we go somewhere else? Tau dia bawak pi mana? Penang. hmmmkay. 

So last night was the very first time sleeping in my new room. I. Feel. So. Restless. 

The room was half small from my previous room and it has gap on top of the ceiling  sebab bilik ni macam new partition on living room. Whenever people switch on the lamp dekat hallway, automatik lampu masuk bilik aku. So jadi macam cerah. Aku pulak spesis tido dalam gelap. Memang merana. 😢 Akak bilik sebelah (kalau tak silap nama dia Kak Siti. So I have my own Kak Siti guysss feeling macam Vivy) ni meniaga makanan. Pagi ni terjaga at four AM because (one) room was brighter, aku ingat aku lambat gila pegi keje padahal baru pukul pat pagi, (two) bau nasik lemak oh-mai-god. Faham tak bau nasik lemak tu agung dia macam mana? Bau ayam guring bau sambal bau ikan bilis. Rasa macam nak tendang diri sendiri masa pujuk perut suruh tido. Then at 7 suddenly bilik gelap. Gelap gelap campur hujan but it was time to get ready for work. 

So yeah, let see how long my body gonna take to adapt this. If I am able to sleep through the night during the next 362 days, I'll pat myself at the back. Sebab aku tak suka gila tido dalam cerah sumpah boleh mintak penampo. 

Homesick

Bukannya tak balik Kuantan. Baru je touchdown KL tapi dah meleleh leleh nak balik Kuantan semula. 

And I keep on saying this in my backhead like a mantra.

Aku rasa malam ni aku mimpi tengah masak daging.

Every

Fucking

Time.

Mimpi

Ingatkan bila penat boleh lah tido awal, tapi harapann..

Mimpi kene bomb sampai terjaga tersentak berdebar debar takut. 

Mimpi tengah lari nak kena tembak.

Mimpi duduk tempat berdebu debu rasa muka kotor sangat. 

Pastu rasa kulit tegang sangat, gatal yang jenis merenyam tu. 

Esok bangun kuku penuh darah. Skin merekah-rekah. Rasa tangan kaki macam bengkak in pain. Sedih meleleleh betul tengok skin macam ni. 

Pegi rendam ayaq panas. Tapi pastu kene mandi air karat jugak. zz. Tatau la macam mana nak hidup kalau tetibe kene hidup susah mandi air sungai kotor hari hari, mesti berkudis je kulit lepas tu. 

T_T

Alhamdulillah hidup lagi kau

Last weekend was a looooooooong weekend. 

I choose to stay in KL cuz mom not gonna be there. Fwensie going back to hometown, some even off to holiday.

Me? 

Home. Watching movie back to back on Netflix and Popcorn. Scroll IG and FB for thousand times. Trying hard to complete monthly report and spring cleaning, which these two settled on 2AM the next day. lalala

Most of my friend know, Farah sejenis manusia tak pernah lekat dekat rumah. But I break my own record. Sariyanto pon tak start langsung. I cooked to eat. Insane right. 

Then, the next working day which is Tuesday, I'm off to work and was glad and happy to be in the blue room. This. Is. Not. Normal. Why do I feel so happy to be in the office? I even skipping myself going upstairs. Oh Lord.

So, yesterday, Pija said she was bored. We met at Sentral. She was there with smile and open arms ready to hug. The first sentence that came out from this lady was; 

"Alhamdulillah Farah hidup lagi aku ingat dah mati melekat kat rumah tiga hari, selamat lagi kawan aku alhamdulillah."

K.